By the Monster Career Coach
Some people are married to their work. But have you heard of having a “work spouse”?
The term refers to the relationship which can develop between two people who work so closely and spend so much time together that they begin to act like a married couple, maybe even with subtle overtones of intimacy and affection – even though one or both may already be romantically partnered for real at home, and the “work marriage” stays purely platonic.
As an example, a recent survey cites Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa (from their TV show Live With Regis and Kelly) as recognized work spouses.
Can A Work Spouse Be Good For You?
Having a work spouse is actually not uncommon. Surveys in the past few years show that between 10 percent and 50 percent of employees report being involved in an “office marriage” (one that doesn’t have any romantic involvement).
So there must be something in it for each of the parties. But what, exactly? Well, for starters you get someone you can confide in and be more honest with. You develop an easy rapport that can be a soothing antidote to the more stressful interactions you may have with other colleagues. And you’ve got a co-worker who understands your preferred work style and tries to accommodate this as best they can.
There are other positives about having a workplace spouse. Like spending time with someone of your preferred romantic gender, and enjoying their company, without the usual entanglements of an amorous relationship. You gain an ally in your dealings with other people at work. You have someone to bounce your ideas off of without feeling shy. And the two of you working together so seamlessly can let both of you get more things done, faster, than if each of you had to work with someone less in synch with you.
Can A Work Spouse Be Bad For You?
Of course there are possible perils in having a work spouse. The most obvious is that there may be temptation to let the relationship go beyond professional bounds and become an
office romance. That could spell disaster, especially if either one of you is already romantically involved with someone at home.
Even if your office spouse and you truly are totally platonic, your closeness might set certain tongues wagging at the water cooler. People might wonder if you are treating your work spouse preferentially in some ways – particularly if you are in a higher up position your work spouse reports to you directly. Some employees may become jealous or feel left out, and this could create tension. Never mind the nasty break-up that could result if things go sour.
Also what if your real spouse finds out that so much of that time you spend toiling away at work, including all those late evenings or weekends at the office instead of being at home (or being at home but labouring away via computer or smart phone), what if this creates a rift between you and your actual love partner?
Rules Of Workplace Engagement
If you do get into a work spouse arrangement, or if you’re already in one, there are certain codes of behaviour that can reduce the potential of having it hurt you professionally.
If, for instance, your personal workspace is an office that no one can see into, you may want to keep your door at least slightly open when you’re with your office spouse. That way people walking by get the message that surely the two of you can’t be doing something improper in there (otherwise the door would be shut tight, maybe with a “Do Not Disturb” sign hung on the outside handle?).
Try to spend a little extra time connecting with the other people you work closely with. Let them feel appreciated and more equal. Don’t meet for lunches or dinners just you and your work spouse unless necessary; the same goes for traveling on business together.
With a bit of sensitivity and tact, you may find that having a workplace spouse makes your job more pleasant and efficient. If both of you behave in ways that keep people from gossiping or thinking less of you, things just might work out happily ever after for all.